Cursed

The words that I want to say are buried. The situation defies all logic; the circumstances are as they are. I have seen the other woman, and I understand it even less. I have told him to leave, but he does not want to. Last weekend he said he took a business trip away, but I know the truth. A quick call to the office revealed that he was on leave. The lie was so blatant. I bury it all within me, the words burning within my heart and brain, threatening to set me alight.

On this day, I was happy. The elder boy had done well in class, and He smiled widely. If time ignored past and future, on this moment alone, I was content, jubliant, and proud. There was nothing of his affair to think about, no worry about what my too-soft hands would be able to provide. If I could, I would ask time to stop, the world halt its spinning, and ourselves be frozen there, as we watched him receive his award from the principal. We, putting up our front of proud loving parents, right in front of the school. Only a handful there knew of the tear between me and Him, the slowly widening gap, the cancer eating us out. The elder boy didn't dare look at us up on the stage, which just bothered me briefly. He was shy, painfully so. I clapped wildly, turning my hands red, two seconds after everyone had stopped. He reached over and clasped my left hand, and I pulled it out when he tried to grip my fingers, and I knew time had seized hold again, along with consequence.

No more

No more the scent of your hair. No more wondering why you suddenly wake up in the night tossing suddenly, shouting some words before falling asleep again. No more whispering in your ear as you dream. No more the kiss on your forehead and eyebrows. No more listening, no more hearing. No more wondering how I could stop your tears. Everything is now the past, and it is another country that is disappearing beneath the horizon, as we journey on. Love is gone, and nothing remains.